Monday, October 31, 2011

Chinese Halloween

Hong Kong Resorts, the Chinese corporation that owns our town (not kidding), is organizing a haunted house in our town center for Halloween.  They did it last year and I'm pretty sure it was a hit.

I was talking to an HKR employee (a sweetheart named Pearl) and asked her if they were doing a haunted house again this year:
PEARL (very excited): Oh yes, except this year the haunted house is going to be Chinese.

ME: Really - what does that mean?

PEARL: There is a bridge and on the bridge there's an old lady who will give the kids poison soup.  Then the kids will fall off the bridge.

ME (not sure what to say): Oh, okay.
I've walked around for the last week wondering what in the hell she was talking about.  Then today, a friend of a friend on Facebook wrote this:
I know this story!! It's believed that when everyone dies, the spirit will have to pass the 'bridge', at the end of it, this old lady will make you drink that soup... after the sip, you will FORGET everything, everyone of your life and move on to wherever you are suppose to go.... sob sob...
I have two thoughts on this subject: 1) Are kids going to understand what is going on inside that haunted house?! 2) This whole thing is VEEEERY creepy.

Have I mentioned that these Halloween festivities -- all geared towards kids - are called "Journey to Hell"?!  Slightly inappropriate, wouldn't you say?!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Drug Driving

The HK government put up a new sign on a major tunnel here leading into Central (e.g. our Midtown). It reads:

Drug driving maybe your journey to death.

I'm going to ignore "drug driving" and "maybe" and focus on the crux of the message.

While creative and unusual, "journey to death" is a bit too fun for their point. It sounds like you're about to board the latest rollercoaster at Six Flags. "Get ready for the scariest 3 minutes of your life on the new Journey to Death. After your 350-foot drop, you may just not come back." (cue sinister laughing)

As a child of the late 80s/early 90s, I prefer the "This is your brain on drugs" approach. Visual, straight to the point and dramatic - well as dramatic as frying an egg can be.

PS - thanks Laura for the heads up on this!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Soup for Sluts

A bonafide product you can find in grocery stores here:

You gotta love the tag line - "Cheap, fast and easy"!

Someone needs to tell Ricky's, the Pleasure Chest and other adult shops in the States.  Would make a great companion for penis macaroni, no?

Thank you David for this submission - it's right up there with "No Fart Inside Room".

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Rice King

 A common sight in this part of the world:

Old, fat and/or ugly White man + young, attractive, thin Asian woman

When I say common, there are days I come across seven of these couples before lunchtime!  Usually it doesn't bother me - especially when the couple seems to be equally matched in at least one area - age, attractiveness, etc.  What does make my skin crawl is when I spot a 70-year old man with an Asian woman in her 20s.  Gag.

I know what drives the women - money and security.  So many of these women are dirt poor and doing anything they can to feed themselves and their families back home.  (I'm writing this in earnest - no sarcasm here.)  I get doing anything you can aside from prostitution to better your situation.

I can't figure out what drives the Rice King.  Has he always had a thing for Asian women and so making his way to Hong Kong was a logical decision?  Did he not really have a thing for Asian women until moving to Asia and then he realized he was missing out?  Or is he just old, fat and ugly and can't find anyone else who wants to be with him?

It doesn't matter really.  As long as we're all of consenting age, who am I to judge?  But it does keep your gag reflex active.

Foot Note: Let me just be clear about something - not all white man + Asian woman couples fall into this category.  You know a Rice King situation when you see one.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Story of My Life

Had the following exchange at my bank yesterday--
Me: I'd like to deposit this check into my (pausing for effect and speaking extra slowly and plainly) c-h-e-c-k-i-n-g account.

Bank Teller (looking me in the eye and nodding his head): Yes, OK.

He types on the keyboard and looks at the check for a minute and then says...

Bank Teller: Checking or savings account?

You can't blame this kind of thing on the language barrier.  It's just pure stupidity or something.  Actually, I have no idea what it is - but it happens to me every time I go to the bank.

Reinforcing Stereotypes

Check out the headline on the upper right-hand side of the China Daily:

This is why I will NEVER live in China.  Ever.

That and the fact that the entire population stands around watching while a 2-year old gets run over by a van TWICE -- and does nothing.  Yeah, any place that's mean to kids and animals sounds like hell, literally.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Why I Love Discovery Bay

The dog waiting area outside of Fusion, our supermarket

Brings a smile to may face every day!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Serenity Now

Turn on the TV and find this message on my screen:

After trying to reboot my cable box twice, I call the customer service line and go through all the prompts - 1 for English, 4 for customer and technical support, 2 for if you don't have video or audio on your screen.  Then, instead of putting me through to a customer support person, I get a pre-recorded message to the effect of "This is not a NowTV problem; you need to call another number."  Frustrated, I press 0 to speak with an operator; however the line just rings and rings and rings...for 5 minutes. 

Can someone please explain to me why I'm directed by NowTV to call this number for this specific error only to have NowTV tell me that I'm calling the wrong number??

These are the moments I realize it's a good thing I don't live in a country where guns are legal and accessible.  (Kidding.  Well sort of.)

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Check out the name of this taxi driver:

Butt King Yu.

Someone named their son Butt. Or maybe it's Butt King as in Mary-Kate or Ann-Douglas.

Either way it's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?